Wednesday, May 21, 2008


From the diary of Tiffany the Toilet Ranger:

Really, a campground over a long weekend is a great setting for a mystery - of any type - suspense, cozy, psychological thriller … all the elements are there. I know, I was there, too.

The balding fellow with the huge RV, the tiny yappy dashboard dog off-leash and a cougar in the area - what was he thinking? Squirrels are bigger than that animal for gosh sakes and if the mutt were to disappear down the maze of gopher holes, he would never ever be found again. Would the perplexed owner with the big rec equipment think someone had stolen his pouch … would he be set on revenge?

Where would he look to cast blame?

Suspense: On the couple running naked through the trees and doing a very private act in a very public place? Wait - I can see there's no where to hide a dog, even a very small one, there.

Psychological thriller: Maybe it was the group with the axes stuck into the environmentally protected trees? Too bad there is nothing to save them from the mentally deficient. Is the pampered pet chopped liver?

Cozy: How about the Goth with the dog collar around her neck - that collar looks pretty tight - did she take it from the yappy-happy puppy? Are those ripped leggings from Rover’s roving claws?

Action: The dudes with the dynamite fireworks - did they accidently light Rover over a cherry bomb? Will the dudes steal a high speed cleaning cart, bust the barricade and dump the deceased into the ash pit?

Accidental Death: Or maybe it was a bear, waking up, hungry and thinking the diminutive dog was just a berry on the bush - smush, chomp, swallow - no evidence there until it comes out the other end - miles away - in a cave high above the tree line.

Such are the ponderings of a toilet ranger.

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