Good morning, and Happy Mother's Day! I could not resist sharing this very insightful list with you on this special day, proving that I owe everything I know to my mom.
25 IMPORTANT THINGS MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME!
1. My mother taught me: TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE .
'If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning.'
2. My mother taught me: RELIGION.
'You better pray that will come out of the carpet.'
3. My mother taught me: TIME TRAVEL .
'If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!'
4. My mother taught me: LOGIC.
' Because I said so, that's why.'
5. My mother taught me: MORE LOGIC .
'If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me.'
6. My mother taught me: FORESIGHT.
'Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident.'
7. My mother taught me: IRONY
'Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about.'
8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS .
'Shut your mouth and eat your supper.'
9. My mother taught me: CONTORTIONISM.
'Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!'
10. My mother t aught me about STAMINA.
'You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone.'
11. My mother taught me: WEATHER .
'This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it.'
12. My mother taught me: HYPOCRISY.
'If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!'
13. My mother taught me: THE CIRCLE OF LIFE.
'I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.'
14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
'Stop acting like your father!'
15. My mother taught me: ENVY.
'There are millions of l ess fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do.'
16. M y mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
'Just wait until we get home.'
17. My mother taught me: RECEIVING .
'You are going to get it when you get home!'
18. My mother taught me: MEDICAL SCIENCE.
'If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way.'
19. My mother taught me: ESP.
'Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?'
20. My mother taught me: HUMOUR.
'When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me.'
21. My mother taught me: HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT .
'If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up.'
22. My mother taught me: GENETICS.
'I swear you're just like your father.'
23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
'Shut that door behind you. Do y ou think you were born in a barn?'
24. My mother taught me: WISDOM ..
'When you get to be my age, you'll understand.'
25. And my favorite: My MOTHER TAUGHT ME ABOUT JUSTICE
'One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!
BTW, I sent a less humorous Mother's Day essay as a guest blog to The Stiletto Gang - an all-girl team of mystery writers.