The Drug Dog and I - Part III

With several bottles of rum lined up on the counter, my laptop sitting naked beside them under the glaring fluorescent lights, and the time coming up to 2 a.m. my body decided to do a hot flash—which normally, and in the time zone to which I’d become accustomed, would’ve been my usual 4 a.m. night sweat...in bed.

One cannot do anything discretely when being searched for illicit drugs so I just whipped off the poncho I had on which sent my hat and hair clips flying. I imagine sweating profusely isn’t the most innocent gesture one can make, but I had no control over that. I scrambled around on  the floor gathering up my barrettes and for lack of anywhere else to put them, shoved them in the back pocket of my jeans...

Throughout this ordeal, the officers were swabbing items and running with the swabs and sometimes the entire item to some lab (not the Chocolate Lab, the other kind of lab), in the back. About this time, one officer returned from behind the closed doors with a pair of my shorts.

“Why,” he demanded, “Are the back pockets in these sewn half-shut in the middle?”

What I wanted to say: They’re women’s pants, idiot. I’m lucky I even have pockets. Besides, what woman ever puts anything in their back pockets—that would make your butt look even bigger than it is!”

What I actually said: I have no idea. I didn’t know they were. 

 “Do you have anything in your pockets?”

“Only my hair clips...that I just put there.”

He stares at me and I realize he wants to see these hair clips so I dutifully lay the plastic golden clips on his counter. What else to do?

We were asked if we had phones on us. I said there was one in my luggage but I had none on me. (When I got home I discovered I’d taken the phone from my luggage and put it in my purse in anticipation of having to call for a shuttle bus to our hotel when we reached Edmonton. Ooops!)

When one more bottle of rum was unwrapped in the final suitcase and placed beside the others, it became painfully obvious that not only had we been negligent in properly declaring my ring—we hadn’t properly declared our Jamaican rum. Since the officers hadn’t found any drugs, would they justify their existence and the search by hitting on these two facts?

“This customs declaration form is a legal document,” he said, flicking his finger at the paperwork full of errors on which we had marked the maximum limits for both of us. “We need exact figures.”

What I wanted to say: While in Jamaica we learned that financial help from the Canadian Government, among other huge investments, had built the water treatment facility in Jamaica that allowed that country safe drinking water—to the point that even Caribbean cruise ships fill in their ports. Does it not make sense that that same Government allow Canadian tourists to further support this developing nation by purchasing a tad more than a mere $800.00 CDN during a two-week visit? Tourism, we learned, is Jamaica’s number one industry. Tourists enjoy re-distributing the world’s wealth by purchasing items such as rum, Red Stripe, rings, beach bags and dresses for the granddaughters. These purchases might cost the government a bit in taxes and the Canadian economy might take a miniscule hit, but overall is it not better than having all Canadian taxpayers, travellers or not, shell out money in the form of grants and donations? This way, the country is working for the money, the dollars spent are stimulating its economy, and everyone wins.

What I actually said: I see

“We understand that you are dealing with Jamaican dollars, American dollars and Canadian currency and exchange rates, but we need an estimate.”

What I wanted to say: Make up your mind—do you need exact figures or an estimate? Perhaps an exact estimate?

What I actually said: I see.

As they finished checking the last bag he ran his eyes over the rum purchases and pointed out that not only had we gone over our liquor limit, we had not included the price of the rum in our declaration. Nor the proper price of the ring and if we added in the beach bag, the T-shirts, the hats...

“We’re not concerned with what you did in Jamaica,” the other officer interrupted. “We’re only interested that you didn’t bring anything illegal back. If you smoked marijuana down there, we don’t care.”

What I wanted to say: Yeah, right. We already told you we don’t use. If we change our minds now will you come after us for lying? Or, perhaps, sir, you are wanting to justify the actions of your demonic Chocolate Lab.  If we say we smoked marijuana, you can write a little note that it was the suspects’ own marijuana use that set your dog off. 

What I actually said: We didn’t use marijuana. Never have, never will.

Back to the official who has counted up our rum and expenditures—the one who read all our receipts. “You are over your limits and we can do one of three things. We can make you pay duties and customs on all your purchases or, we can confiscate everything and it becomes the property of the crown or, we can let you go and use this opportunity to educate you."

What I wanted to say: I suggest it is your dog that need educating

What I actually said: nothing

“So, tonight we are letting you go.”

It was left to us to repack our bags, so much for me carefully laying out my pj’s for tonight and a clean set of clothes for tomorrow’s journey home to St. Paul. So much for knowing exactly where our morning drugs (the prescription ones) were. I heaved a sigh of relief, probably audible, when he slipped my laptop into its case.

It was wonderful to discover our friends had waited for us, eager perhaps, to hear our stories. Good stories that will be repeated time and again around the campfire as we sip Jamaican rum cream and roast marshmallows while savouring the colours of an ammolite ring flashing brilliantly in the firelight.

 ________________________________

The legalities:

Canadian and US Customs and border officials do not need search warrants, do not have to prove to anyone just cause for a search.

They can access all your digital devices without your permission, even insisting you give them your passowords

You do not have the right to contact and lawyer or have a lawyer present.

A Kinder Surprise is a large egg-shaped chocolate that contains a plastic yoke with a small toy inside.Why the yoke of one was one in my suitcase is anybody's guess.

Where my fictional drug smuggler will hide his joint: in the yoke of a Kinder Surprise.

The Drug Dog and I - Part III 

is brought to you by 

FIREWALLS

Mystery, Murder, Mayhem and Drug Dealin'

The Drug Dog and I - Part I

You know you are a crime writer when... the top-most thing on your mind when pulled over for a border security baggage search is to watch where the officers DON’T look so you know exactly where the smuggler in your next novel is going to stow his stash.

Yes, okay, all right. I probably did have a few other things on my mind during that search (like ‘OMG! He’s going to see my KY Jelly’ and ‘I can’t believe you’re actually touching my entire two weeks-worth of dirty panties!’) but none of it was likely what Canadian Border Security imagined I was thinking.

Of course in the presence of the law, trying to look innocent when one actually is, is difficult under most circumstances. Thus, when it’s 1 a.m. following a seven-hour flight home from a two-week vacation in Jamaica the task of keeping oneself from getting into even more trouble increases significantly. Especially if you are the kind of person I am—who enjoys being witty, handles stress with humour and lively conversation, and is notoriously dozy after midnight. My keen interest in crime, criminals, law enforcement...and the illicit drug trade didn’t help much in this case, either. I bit my tongue so often during the hour-long ordeal, it is still sore four days later.

Things started off not badly, the flight home from Jamaica was comfortable (thanks to upgraded seats) and quicker than expected (as noted by the flight attendant upon landing—although what that was due to wasn’t mentioned.) We came in on a huge jet, yet despite that fact the line moved through the cattle gates to the Canada Immigration and Customs kiosks fairly quickly. Our turn at the desk hit a bump when we discovered we couldn’t share the cost of my ammolite birthday ring under our exemptions—because, they said, we couldn’t share the ring. They waved us through  despite our error and I calculated I’d be snug in bed in about an hour if the baggage came through in timely manner.

My ammolite ring--a birthday gift from hubby

A dog barking off somewhere was my first clue things were other than usual. I couldn’t see the beast initially but after visiting the loo and re-joining hubby and the rest of flight #TS119 passengers, who were all staring sleepily at a baggage carousel that was not moving, the pooch  came into view.

Now I have a thing against Labrador Retrievers, which is in itself a story. It’s not that I’m afraid of them, in fact I’ve come to the conclusion the fact I’m not, is a large part of what created my Lab problems. I simply don’t respect these dogs that seem to assume I am there for them and their pleasure. Most of my problems rest with the Alpha dogs of this species but the puppy dogs of this species also annoy the "h" out of me. So when I discovered the barking was being emitted by a Chocolate Lab with more energy than Hurricane Katrina and who more than once broke free from it’s handler’s hold to whip around the baggage claim area with abandoned, I was not happy.

From past experience I know ignoring these dogs is not the right strategy (they don’t like being ignored and will escalate their behaviour until you MUST notice them). However, being as it was past the wee witching hour, I had little energy to expend on trying to keep my eyes on a chocolate whirling dervish. Watching the carousel which was still not moving, was more my speed.

True to past experience, my ignoring the critter drew him to my side—and then up on top of my baggage cart where he promptly knocked off one of my carry-ons. He then sat.

Now...if you know anything about law-enforcement dogs, sniffing and then sitting means they’ve smelled something. All these dogs are trained to track people and then some are cross-trained to sniff explosives and others to sniff drugs. They are taught to sit if they catch a whiff. From the very beginning I highly doubted that this Lab was seeking explosives.

“The dog likes your bag,” I said to hubby. The dog glanced behind me to its handler and upon some kind of signal took off after the green tennis ball she threw.

Did I mention I don’t like Chocolate Labs? I’m pretty sure this pup had developed a theory that if he sniffed something and sat, his trainer would toss a ball for him to fetch as a reward. I’m pretty sure he decided to test that theory on me—because, Labs don’t like me any more than I like them.

Anyways with the dog now gone, and the carousel still not moving, hubby decided it was a great time to get his jacket out of his carry-on (as in January, it is noticeable colder in our Alberta homeland than in Jamaica ) and then go to the washroom. In hindsight, the fact an official followed him into the washroom was a good follow-up clue to the dog clue and one that was highly predictive of what was about to happen.

In hindsight, hubby is very glad he needed only to use the urinal and not a cubicle. In hindsight, taking a jacket from the bag a drug dog has just pointed out and heading to the can with it was probably not the least suspicious thing a person could’ve done.

Just when he got back from the can, the carousel began moving and it wasn’t long before our priority luggage was on our cart and we were heading to the back room of Canadian Border Security at the Edmonton International Airport.

Part I of The Drug Dog and I is brought to you by:

FIREWALLS

a novel about drugs, gangs, cyberCrime and PTSD